But I don’t think that scolding is going to change someone who’s been socialized to communicate in this way, let alone a group of such men. It’s reasonable for you not to tolerate that. You have every right to request that language whose derogatory nature is fairly obvious not be used around you. So I understand your discomfort, but I also think that this is bigger than you. I am the only person in the group who is not a hetero man, and I feel that if I try to say “Enough, already!,” I stand to slightly alienate myself, though they’d respect my preference. I see and speak to these men (and they are indeed men-we’re well out of our 20s) often and consider games with them to be a huge and rewarding component of my social life. These jokes aren’t hateful, per se, but they’re just constantly referencing gay, male-on-male sex, and to me, there often seems to be no discernible punchline. I am part of a text chain with these guys, and it is relentless-I rely on my husband to tell me when we have plans with them because I have to mute it unless I want to be inundated. They think it is hysterical to just tack some fellatio-related quip onto every. Here is my (female) problem: He and our gaming friends (all male) have this habit of making gay jokes constantly. My partner and I have been together for six happy years. Have a question? Send it to Stoya and Rich here. How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column.
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